And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
