Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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