Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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