This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
