he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
