are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
