Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
