please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
birth control should be required to get into college
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
