please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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