Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
