laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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