I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
