Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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