its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
