I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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