seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
