I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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