he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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