is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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