Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
