This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
