She said her name was "party"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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