i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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