If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
