oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
