im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
