I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
