I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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