I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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