singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
