i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
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