I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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