Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
