i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
