so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
