I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
one two three fourrrrnication!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
