dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
