Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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