I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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