she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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