She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
