Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
