just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
sex in a hospital.. check
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
