He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
