I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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