I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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