worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
