He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
