Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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