i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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